I have a post brewing... a very long and drawn out post about husbands.
I have had it on my heart to write about this for a long time.
So -- coming soon -- a post about husbands.
Wish I could say more as a teaser -- but I am just struggling with making this post clever! LOL
Oh, and sorry for the blog slacking...
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Hold my hand, will ya?
I have come to a conclusion -- one that I once believed and then talked myself out of believing. I now believe it to be true again...
Can babies be spoiled? I believe they can.
I had very little experience with young babies before having Lizzie. My experience with children was mostly with grade-school children and I saw all types of kids from all different parenting styles.
I could usually pick out which children were from loving homes and which ones were from homes where there was fear. I also saw parents who practiced the "helicopter" approach - not allowing the child to experience life without holding his/her hand. I saw the opposite, too - children who were left to fend for themselves with no family support.
You have to love all the children who fell into that gray area in the middle of the extremism. But I digress...
So, I never really knew about babies but started reading a lot during pregnancy. For some reason I had a gut feeling that seemed to differ a lot from all that I was reading regarding spoiling children.
Most things published now say that you cannot spoil a child. I think the writers need to re-think this advice and probably give a disclaimer and here's why...
My original plan was to *not* make this the Lizzie show. Lizzie would be forced to live in my world because I didn't want to raise a child that thought everything was about her. This was good in theory but not in reality. I got over feeling like that quickly when I had a child who was completely dependent upon me to make her life normal, safe and secure. Routines began, and my life as I knew it before Lizzie changed. A lot.
In trying to keep normalcy in our lives and to stay sane, we began lots of routines. Lizzie has some developmental lags (that are still an issue today) that caused her to be overly dependent on us. As I began researching how to deal with her frustration I continued reading that children under the age of one can *not* be spoiled and that they need to feel secure and safe. So, even thought Jack and I struggled with this belief, we embraced it. Lizzie got lots of love, hugs, praise, and help from us as she struggled through some hard things. We were there to help her up when she fell, picked her up when she cried, and often removed her from situations where she just didn't seem happy... like being on her tummy. She was a happy child and everything seemed good except we had a child attached to us 24/7. But we were loving being parents and felt like we would do anything for this adorable little girl.
Well, this has come back to bite us hard.
Not only does Lizzie have developmental lags (that I STILL blame myself for) she seems to have lost her independence. She no longer has the confidence to do something new unless our hand is right there. She would prefer to go through life on our hip, arm, holding her hand, etc. There's little if any independent play.
The hardest part is watching her do exercises with the physical therapist. Lizzie has no confidence unless I am right there holding her hand. Her arm reaches to me as if to say help me mommy -- and I can't. We have been there always for her and this is actually making her progress slower.
Not only is Lizzie struggling to do an activity that is hard for her, she is dealing with rejection from the people who have always been her third arm.
Dependent. Spoiled. I believe they are the same.
Now we have to deal with a child who knows too much and is hurting. She wants us to help her. She wants us to make this easy for her. Lying on her back - trying to teach her how to sit up - she feels trapped. We are looking at her and she cries for help.
And we are not there for her.
I wish I had gone with my gut on this one. A child who struggles through something as a baby learns from it. Now she is struggling through it as a toddler and knows to much. Now we all hurt.
We are longing for the day when we can love her again without the dependence factor. Until then, there are lots of tears. Big and small.
Can babies be spoiled? I believe they can.
I had very little experience with young babies before having Lizzie. My experience with children was mostly with grade-school children and I saw all types of kids from all different parenting styles.
I could usually pick out which children were from loving homes and which ones were from homes where there was fear. I also saw parents who practiced the "helicopter" approach - not allowing the child to experience life without holding his/her hand. I saw the opposite, too - children who were left to fend for themselves with no family support.
You have to love all the children who fell into that gray area in the middle of the extremism. But I digress...
So, I never really knew about babies but started reading a lot during pregnancy. For some reason I had a gut feeling that seemed to differ a lot from all that I was reading regarding spoiling children.
Most things published now say that you cannot spoil a child. I think the writers need to re-think this advice and probably give a disclaimer and here's why...
My original plan was to *not* make this the Lizzie show. Lizzie would be forced to live in my world because I didn't want to raise a child that thought everything was about her. This was good in theory but not in reality. I got over feeling like that quickly when I had a child who was completely dependent upon me to make her life normal, safe and secure. Routines began, and my life as I knew it before Lizzie changed. A lot.
In trying to keep normalcy in our lives and to stay sane, we began lots of routines. Lizzie has some developmental lags (that are still an issue today) that caused her to be overly dependent on us. As I began researching how to deal with her frustration I continued reading that children under the age of one can *not* be spoiled and that they need to feel secure and safe. So, even thought Jack and I struggled with this belief, we embraced it. Lizzie got lots of love, hugs, praise, and help from us as she struggled through some hard things. We were there to help her up when she fell, picked her up when she cried, and often removed her from situations where she just didn't seem happy... like being on her tummy. She was a happy child and everything seemed good except we had a child attached to us 24/7. But we were loving being parents and felt like we would do anything for this adorable little girl.
Well, this has come back to bite us hard.
Not only does Lizzie have developmental lags (that I STILL blame myself for) she seems to have lost her independence. She no longer has the confidence to do something new unless our hand is right there. She would prefer to go through life on our hip, arm, holding her hand, etc. There's little if any independent play.
The hardest part is watching her do exercises with the physical therapist. Lizzie has no confidence unless I am right there holding her hand. Her arm reaches to me as if to say help me mommy -- and I can't. We have been there always for her and this is actually making her progress slower.
Not only is Lizzie struggling to do an activity that is hard for her, she is dealing with rejection from the people who have always been her third arm.
Dependent. Spoiled. I believe they are the same.
Now we have to deal with a child who knows too much and is hurting. She wants us to help her. She wants us to make this easy for her. Lying on her back - trying to teach her how to sit up - she feels trapped. We are looking at her and she cries for help.
And we are not there for her.
I wish I had gone with my gut on this one. A child who struggles through something as a baby learns from it. Now she is struggling through it as a toddler and knows to much. Now we all hurt.
We are longing for the day when we can love her again without the dependence factor. Until then, there are lots of tears. Big and small.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Time.
There's never enough time. I just need another hour. I have been MIA and have had many blog ideas -- very well thought out and typed in my head... but I've slept since then. :) Here's my latest thought worthy of blogging:
Thinking of how things were...
The rules in our house were simple. Go play. Leave. Don't come home until the street lights come on.
I am sure we ate lunch and dinner at home as I was not hurting for food, but I really remember being away from home a lot as a child. We just roamed the neighborhood. Sometimes we rode our bikes. Sometimes we walked. We even crossed the "major" street to go play on the school playground a few times. Someone in the neighborhood had a pool and we were there. All summer. Seriously.
I think about my child and how this will not be an option for her. She will not roam the neighborhood or just come home when it gets dark. That is not the world we live in today. We are glad to have friends who see the world the same way and will surely have scheduled playdates when our kiddos are old enough. And Jack and I will have to become young again and provide some entertainment inside and outside when the playdates just don't work out, I suppose.
There is a lovely field nearby that we would have LOVED playing on as kids. I can totally picture me bringing my tape recorder and a recorded version (you know -- put the tape recorder up to the radio or record player and make a recording - haha) of Olivia Newton John's Let's Get Physical or Tina Turner's What's Love Got to do With it and make up a dance with my friends. We'd be all over that field. As it was, our backyards worked just fine. But that field would have been awesome. No going off to the field for Lizzie... And I hope we can censor her music better than our parents did. Those songs were awful for us to listen to -- but we didn't even know what they were about so no harm done, yeah?
We spent the night away ALL THE TIME, were dropped off at the ballpark with a few dollars for concessions, were allowed to drive the 4 wheelers all over the subdivision at the lake house and run up a tab at the marina, took the rowboat out on the pond, took the inner tubes down to the lake... and so on and so on. This all happened before I was 13. My brother and I were very active outside -- away from home. That's how my mother liked it. And I can't get over how much we did without adult supervision ~
I just see things as being different now. I am just curious how things will be when she is independent but not allowed to roam free.
And I'm often amazed that we were allowed to do so much as kids. It's a wonder we didn't get into more mischief... ;)
Thinking of how things were...
The rules in our house were simple. Go play. Leave. Don't come home until the street lights come on.
I am sure we ate lunch and dinner at home as I was not hurting for food, but I really remember being away from home a lot as a child. We just roamed the neighborhood. Sometimes we rode our bikes. Sometimes we walked. We even crossed the "major" street to go play on the school playground a few times. Someone in the neighborhood had a pool and we were there. All summer. Seriously.
I think about my child and how this will not be an option for her. She will not roam the neighborhood or just come home when it gets dark. That is not the world we live in today. We are glad to have friends who see the world the same way and will surely have scheduled playdates when our kiddos are old enough. And Jack and I will have to become young again and provide some entertainment inside and outside when the playdates just don't work out, I suppose.
There is a lovely field nearby that we would have LOVED playing on as kids. I can totally picture me bringing my tape recorder and a recorded version (you know -- put the tape recorder up to the radio or record player and make a recording - haha) of Olivia Newton John's Let's Get Physical or Tina Turner's What's Love Got to do With it and make up a dance with my friends. We'd be all over that field. As it was, our backyards worked just fine. But that field would have been awesome. No going off to the field for Lizzie... And I hope we can censor her music better than our parents did. Those songs were awful for us to listen to -- but we didn't even know what they were about so no harm done, yeah?
We spent the night away ALL THE TIME, were dropped off at the ballpark with a few dollars for concessions, were allowed to drive the 4 wheelers all over the subdivision at the lake house and run up a tab at the marina, took the rowboat out on the pond, took the inner tubes down to the lake... and so on and so on. This all happened before I was 13. My brother and I were very active outside -- away from home. That's how my mother liked it. And I can't get over how much we did without adult supervision ~
I just see things as being different now. I am just curious how things will be when she is independent but not allowed to roam free.
And I'm often amazed that we were allowed to do so much as kids. It's a wonder we didn't get into more mischief... ;)
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Pride is the Crutch of the Insecure
I think sometimes it is hard to find a balance between loving what you have worked so hard for, appreciating the things you have accomplished in life, acknowledging your blessings -- and having so much pride that it is arrogant.
But -- I think it is important to be mindful that your accomplishments are yours to be proud of. Telling people how great and wonderful you are is not good. Nothing comes from that -- except the person bragging looks arrogant.
So that is the line, I suppose...
By all means - love what you have, appreciate the things you have accomplished, acknowledge your blessings --- but don't tell everyone how wonderful you are. If you are truly wonderful (as a friend, as a wife, as an artist, as a musician) and you just show who you are -- people will tell you how amazing you are. No need to tell them...
I am unable to tell someone to lay off the "Oh-my-goodness-I-am-so-wonderful-at-everything-I-do-and-my-house-is-so-perfect-and-my-husband-buys-me-everything-and-I-am-an-overachiever-and-I-am-just-so-great-at-everything-and-look-at-all-the-wonderful-things-I-can-do" comments so I just brought it here to get it off my chest. That feels better for some reason.
Thanks for letting me vent a little. :)
*************************************************************************
Looking forward to the Memorial Day holiday tomorrow. I am grateful for all the men and women (and their families) who have served or who are serving in the Armed Forces in any capacity. These people and their families have made HUGE sacrifices so that I can enjoy all of the freedoms that come with being an American. God bless them all! :D
But -- I think it is important to be mindful that your accomplishments are yours to be proud of. Telling people how great and wonderful you are is not good. Nothing comes from that -- except the person bragging looks arrogant.
So that is the line, I suppose...
By all means - love what you have, appreciate the things you have accomplished, acknowledge your blessings --- but don't tell everyone how wonderful you are. If you are truly wonderful (as a friend, as a wife, as an artist, as a musician) and you just show who you are -- people will tell you how amazing you are. No need to tell them...
I am unable to tell someone to lay off the "Oh-my-goodness-I-am-so-wonderful-at-everything-I-do-and-my-house-is-so-perfect-and-my-husband-buys-me-everything-and-I-am-an-overachiever-and-I-am-just-so-great-at-everything-and-look-at-all-the-wonderful-things-I-can-do" comments so I just brought it here to get it off my chest. That feels better for some reason.
Thanks for letting me vent a little. :)
*************************************************************************
Looking forward to the Memorial Day holiday tomorrow. I am grateful for all the men and women (and their families) who have served or who are serving in the Armed Forces in any capacity. These people and their families have made HUGE sacrifices so that I can enjoy all of the freedoms that come with being an American. God bless them all! :D
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Tomorrow
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely...” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thank God for mornings. I think that's why i am a morning person! I like having a fresh start.
I had a bad mommy day today. Nothing awful - I just let myself parent with my emotions rather than my heart. Tomorrow is a new day. I am thankful for it.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Your doing it wrong.
Goodness me. I am going to type this post incorrectly because I seen so many grammer missteaks lately that I just want to scream, their everywhere. I can see being in a hurry and not having alot of time to do a spell check or something like that -- but chosing the wrong word and making a sign at Kroger's just makes no scents to me. I mean, really. Its so frustrated to people like me. Im not a grammar queen, and I admit I makes some mistakes... but I see the same one's over and over again and I wonder how some people be making it through high school.
I taught forth grade Language for a few years and my student's know how too right better then some writing, I see in public.
The worst was tonight on tv. Me and Jack was eating dinner and The Backyardigans show came on. (Heee - preposition at the end of my sentence!!!) I am serious when I say that the song says WE ALWAYS FIND THINGS WE NEVER SEEN BEFORE. I rewinded it several times and Jack and I heard it that way each time.
Oh my. No - I cannot have this.
Online chatting is one thing. Making a post when you are on a limited time schedule with a baby sleeping is one thing. Posting a sign in a grocery store saying "Please have you're receipt" or making a theme song to a show for kids with incorrect grammar -- I just cannot ignore it.
If you see the crazy lady going back to her car to get a Sharpie to correct the sign at Kroger's -- wave! That's me! :)
I taught forth grade Language for a few years and my student's know how too right better then some writing, I see in public.
The worst was tonight on tv. Me and Jack was eating dinner and The Backyardigans show came on. (Heee - preposition at the end of my sentence!!!) I am serious when I say that the song says WE ALWAYS FIND THINGS WE NEVER SEEN BEFORE. I rewinded it several times and Jack and I heard it that way each time.
Oh my. No - I cannot have this.
Online chatting is one thing. Making a post when you are on a limited time schedule with a baby sleeping is one thing. Posting a sign in a grocery store saying "Please have you're receipt" or making a theme song to a show for kids with incorrect grammar -- I just cannot ignore it.
If you see the crazy lady going back to her car to get a Sharpie to correct the sign at Kroger's -- wave! That's me! :)
Friday, May 15, 2009
I once thought differently
I remember when I was younger -- 30 was O.L.D. Like, almost-dying-old.
When I was 25, I thought I knew everything. I had been married for 3+ years, I had lost my father, I was teaching 1st grade, very happy with my life, and I was ready to have children.
Wow --- how my life has changed!
Obviously the child thing didn't happen in my 20s. Long story... better saved for another day.
I used to spend so much of my time planning --- when to get married, when to have children, what car would I get next, where I wanted to teach, how, why, why, why, where, ... etc. My life was consumed with what was ahead. I saw myself as so young in my twenties but life was happening. Quickly. A lot happened in those 10 years.
I think that was the plan! I needed to experience so much, needed to think and analyze, needed to want and not get -- in order to reach the place where I am today.
Happy.
My life as a wife to Jack and Mom to Lizzie is a gift. I am still a thinker - a planner - and I hope to always be... BUT - I know that I have mellowed a great bit. This has only happened with time. This was the PLAN. My gift. I am more patient and understanding. I trust more and take life a little less seriously. I am able to breathe and take in what is here.
So much more so than I would have 10 years ago...
I'm not saying my life is all peachy-keen. I just think I am in a much better place than I was 10 years ago. I no longer think 30 is old -- I am a spring chicken! :)
So, tomorrow is a mystery. I am okay with that. No planning necessary. I am just going to take what comes and try to love it. Live it. Enjoy it. I think at 34 I deserve it! Besides ~ who could ask for anything more?!?
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