The Best Decision of my Life

I have been wanting to type this post out for the longest time...
but every time I went to do it, the words just weren't there.

I'm not sure I have them today, either. I am going to give this a go though -

Sometimes I think about how my life can change in one instant. I could fall down the stairs and lose my ability to walk. I could have someone leave 1 million dollars on my doorstep. I could discover that I am gaining a family member - or sadly - that I am losing one.

Life is fleeting. Things change. We grow. I cannot begin to explain to anyone who didn't know me 10 years ago how much I have changed in 10 years. I can, however, say with confidence that 99.9% of the changes in my life were positive and most happened with the love (and push!) from my very best friend -- my husband, Jack.



My marriage of almost 13 years gets better with each passing year. I could go on and on about how great Jack is and all he does for me, but that is not what makes our marriage so wonderful. I think that there are 2 things that make our marriage what it is ~~

1. Jack wants me to be happy being me. Whatever "being me" is -- he accepts it. Sadly, I am not the neatest person on the planet. It has to be terribly hard for him to deal with his OCD issues with my sloppiness. But - rather than nag me or get frustrated by the things I do, Jack either deals with the way I am by accepting it as "that's Adrienne!" or he helps me come up with a solution that might make things easier for me and more tolerable for him. He has never made me feel like I was less of a person for not being like him. He doesn't want to change me -- so whatever I am, he loves. This is so comforting and has helped me *want* to make changes. I want to do better for Jack because he wants the best for me. He has also helped me to accept his quirks in the same way. Rather than seeing his music choice as weird or his taste in movies as strange -- I just accept it as who he is. I love it - and I love Jack exactly as he is!

2. We don't talk down about each other. I will not get on any public forum online or get in with a group of girlfriends and say anything negative about Jack. For one -- I have accepted Jack for who he is so I have no need to find fault. I certainly have many, many faults so I could never talk about his!! But, if I do find myself frustrated or upset with Jack then I will be talking with him about it. I have always felt that talking badly about the person I married would make me look silly. (Like people would be saying -- why'd you marry him if he does that/acts like that/etc?) I think that Jack and I decided this was necessary mostly because of my insecurities. I would be BEYOND devastated if someone told me Jack was talking about me in a negative way. I would be equally hurt if he was on an online forum saying things about me where I couldn't defend myself. When I see or hear people doing this, it hurts my heart. Not for them as much as for the spouse and the marriage. I just think it can't be good.



Now -- before I come across looking like I am typing a high and mighty post -- please know that this is coming from YEARS of growth and it is what works for US! Not everyone has the same way of handling things and I am sure that there are even better ways than we have found to make this whole marriage thing perfect.

See - here I go worried that my intentions will be taken wrong. Such is the downfall of blogging. Just so you all know, my whole desire to do a post about love, husbands, and marriage came form a class Jack and I took based on the ideas of Gary Chapman. We learned sooo much -- more than I could even attempt to type here -- But I was really motivated to share my thoughts and ideas after taking this class. The one thing holding me back was that I thought it might look like I was judging people who handle their marriage differently than we do. Such is not the case --

I got fired up when Gary Chapman explained in words that I understood that LOVE is an action. That is why God COMMANDS it. Love is not that emotional rush we get when we meet Mr. Right -- that feeling sometimes goes away or fades. Our feelings are fleeting and ever changing. Love is a VERB! ---- sharing a bowl of popcorn, saying we are sorry, sacrificing our time, a sweet kiss upon arrival home, a towel placed by the shower each morning... All of these actions are love.

So -- in this new year, I challenge each of my readers to think about love as an action. It is your CHOICE to love, so make the choice to accept your spouse for the person that he or she is -- and vow to edify, have patience, forgive, give and receive generously, and most of all LOVE the whole person.

I feel like my marriage is strong because of this -- and will only get deeper and stronger with time. What a better gift for my Lizzie than to show her how love looks and feels! It's what I didn't get growing up but it will be my most treasured gift to my child.



So - if my life changes in an instant, I know that I have and will continue to experience the best of love. The best decision of my life is loving Jack.

Merry Christmas from us to you! :)

WINNER!!!!

My little helper was a little under the weather
but I was able to talk her into playing my silly game...

Oops-- I cut her head off. I am going to pretend that didn't happen.

Lizzie draws a name. Nope, I didn't tell her it was candy -- not me.

I had to snag it before she put it in her mouth.
Why would she want to put paper in her mouth?? :)
And the winner is.....




Hey Amber -- send me your addy on FB and I'll get this out to you ASAP!

Thanks for all the comment love. I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend! ~Adrienne

A Little Christmas in Every Corner... (and a GIVEAWAY!)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Too overwhelmed -- minimal decorations this year...

Lizzie seems to like the new additions to our decor, though.

There's a little something Christmas-related in every room.

This guy keeps watch on the top of our TV.

Isn't this so cute? Lizzie loves playing with it. Can you identify the animals that don't belong? I have even had to remove a rooster once from the spot where the angel sits. :)

These guys are too fun. No -- Lizzie cannot put them together. She seems to think that arms belong on the top of our heads. One day she will learn God made us this was for a reason! :)

Even our bathroom ducks are festive...



Our stockings are hung. Filling the stockings is one of my favorite things to do!
I already have lots of goodies for Jack and Lizzie...



Counting down the days...



We made this fun guy at the PNG Mother Goose Story Hour. I use the term "we" loosely. I am just giving her credit for the hands that were placed upside down. (It wasn't me -- what kind of person would blame their child for her mistake? *grin*)




A purchase from the Junior League Christmas Marketplace. It is a perfect addition to our bathroom... Guests always need something to read... What better than 1 John 4:7 :)

And now -- A GIVEAWAY!!!

I bought an extra one of these because I liked them both.
I have decided to keep "LOVE" and I am going to share "PEACE."

You want it?
You can win by leaving me a comment.
I want the winner to have it SOON -- so I'll draw a winner Thursday night.


"Peace to the brothers, and love with Faith from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ."
Ephesians 6:23

Coming soon to a blog near you

I have a post brewing... a very long and drawn out post about husbands.

I have had it on my heart to write about this for a long time.

So -- coming soon -- a post about husbands.

Wish I could say more as a teaser -- but I am just struggling with making this post clever! LOL



Oh, and sorry for the blog slacking...

Hold my hand, will ya?

I have come to a conclusion -- one that I once believed and then talked myself out of believing. I now believe it to be true again...

Can babies be spoiled? I believe they can.

I had very little experience with young babies before having Lizzie. My experience with children was mostly with grade-school children and I saw all types of kids from all different parenting styles.

I could usually pick out which children were from loving homes and which ones were from homes where there was fear. I also saw parents who practiced the "helicopter" approach - not allowing the child to experience life without holding his/her hand. I saw the opposite, too - children who were left to fend for themselves with no family support.

You have to love all the children who fell into that gray area in the middle of the extremism. But I digress...

So, I never really knew about babies but started reading a lot during pregnancy. For some reason I had a gut feeling that seemed to differ a lot from all that I was reading regarding spoiling children.

Most things published now say that you cannot spoil a child. I think the writers need to re-think this advice and probably give a disclaimer and here's why...

My original plan was to *not* make this the Lizzie show. Lizzie would be forced to live in my world because I didn't want to raise a child that thought everything was about her. This was good in theory but not in reality. I got over feeling like that quickly when I had a child who was completely dependent upon me to make her life normal, safe and secure. Routines began, and my life as I knew it before Lizzie changed. A lot.

In trying to keep normalcy in our lives and to stay sane, we began lots of routines. Lizzie has some developmental lags (that are still an issue today) that caused her to be overly dependent on us. As I began researching how to deal with her frustration I continued reading that children under the age of one can *not* be spoiled and that they need to feel secure and safe. So, even thought Jack and I struggled with this belief, we embraced it. Lizzie got lots of love, hugs, praise, and help from us as she struggled through some hard things. We were there to help her up when she fell, picked her up when she cried, and often removed her from situations where she just didn't seem happy... like being on her tummy. She was a happy child and everything seemed good except we had a child attached to us 24/7. But we were loving being parents and felt like we would do anything for this adorable little girl.

Well, this has come back to bite us hard.

Not only does Lizzie have developmental lags (that I STILL blame myself for) she seems to have lost her independence. She no longer has the confidence to do something new unless our hand is right there. She would prefer to go through life on our hip, arm, holding her hand, etc. There's little if any independent play.

The hardest part is watching her do exercises with the physical therapist. Lizzie has no confidence unless I am right there holding her hand. Her arm reaches to me as if to say help me mommy -- and I can't. We have been there always for her and this is actually making her progress slower.







Not only is Lizzie struggling to do an activity that is hard for her, she is dealing with rejection from the people who have always been her third arm.

Dependent. Spoiled. I believe they are the same.

Now we have to deal with a child who knows too much and is hurting. She wants us to help her. She wants us to make this easy for her. Lying on her back - trying to teach her how to sit up - she feels trapped. We are looking at her and she cries for help.

And we are not there for her.

I wish I had gone with my gut on this one. A child who struggles through something as a baby learns from it. Now she is struggling through it as a toddler and knows to much. Now we all hurt.

We are longing for the day when we can love her again without the dependence factor. Until then, there are lots of tears. Big and small.

Time.

There's never enough time. I just need another hour. I have been MIA and have had many blog ideas -- very well thought out and typed in my head... but I've slept since then. :) Here's my latest thought worthy of blogging:



Thinking of how things were...

The rules in our house were simple. Go play. Leave. Don't come home until the street lights come on.

I am sure we ate lunch and dinner at home as I was not hurting for food, but I really remember being away from home a lot as a child. We just roamed the neighborhood. Sometimes we rode our bikes. Sometimes we walked. We even crossed the "major" street to go play on the school playground a few times. Someone in the neighborhood had a pool and we were there. All summer. Seriously.

I think about my child and how this will not be an option for her. She will not roam the neighborhood or just come home when it gets dark. That is not the world we live in today. We are glad to have friends who see the world the same way and will surely have scheduled playdates when our kiddos are old enough. And Jack and I will have to become young again and provide some entertainment inside and outside when the playdates just don't work out, I suppose.

There is a lovely field nearby that we would have LOVED playing on as kids. I can totally picture me bringing my tape recorder and a recorded version (you know -- put the tape recorder up to the radio or record player and make a recording - haha) of Olivia Newton John's Let's Get Physical or Tina Turner's What's Love Got to do With it and make up a dance with my friends. We'd be all over that field. As it was, our backyards worked just fine. But that field would have been awesome. No going off to the field for Lizzie... And I hope we can censor her music better than our parents did. Those songs were awful for us to listen to -- but we didn't even know what they were about so no harm done, yeah?

We spent the night away ALL THE TIME, were dropped off at the ballpark with a few dollars for concessions, were allowed to drive the 4 wheelers all over the subdivision at the lake house and run up a tab at the marina, took the rowboat out on the pond, took the inner tubes down to the lake... and so on and so on. This all happened before I was 13. My brother and I were very active outside -- away from home. That's how my mother liked it. And I can't get over how much we did without adult supervision ~

I just see things as being different now. I am just curious how things will be when she is independent but not allowed to roam free.

And I'm often amazed that we were allowed to do so much as kids. It's a wonder we didn't get into more mischief... ;)